I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
