Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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