Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
