Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
