i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
