do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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