I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
