We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
