I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
