I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
