sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
