Pants 0. Shit 1.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
