the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
