YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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