Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He better not be in your backpack
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
