i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
