I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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