She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
