i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
