Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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