So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
