I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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