Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it's like heaven, but drunker
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
