New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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