He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
