i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
