I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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