my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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