His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
