connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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