I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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