I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
from now on my penis is your penis
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
