Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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