I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
