i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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