He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
