i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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