Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
