I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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