he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
