At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
