i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
3pm strippers are depressing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
