Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
