I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
