Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
