We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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