did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
