You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
