That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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