Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
