The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
