If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize