Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
