Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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