Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
