for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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