someone threw a dead crab at me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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