Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
