When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
