I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
