And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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