I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
