You're a womanizer and a bitch.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
