As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
