Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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