Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
