my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
