I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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