so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i now understand why vodka
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
